2 Years Later

There must be something about August 27th as my last blog was exactly 2 years ago to the day. And what a couple of years its been! I got married.... in the snow, on skis, with sleigh rides, log cabins and a cake of cheese. Went to Moscow, representing the UK at the Microsoft Partners in Learning European Forum- and won the award for most "Cutting Edge Use of Technology in the Classroom"- and a trip to the Worldwide PIL Forum in Washington DC Celebrated the Royal Wedding with a street party and too much champagne. Two little lines appeared on a little white stick... and I spent 3 months with something akin to the flu, 3 months glowing and gorgeous and 3 months of gaining 40lbs, developing hobbit feet and losing every ounce of fitness I ever had. Experienced a miracle in endurance, human strength and love when my baby girl was born after 52 hours of labour- and completely confirmed that I had married the best man for the job. And now... I'm a mother. It was funny to read my last entry about going for run and how I needed to lose 10lbs for the wedding. I did lose those 10lbs. In fact, I probably lost a lot more than that. Which only makes my current size that much more depressing. My 3rd trimester was not kind to me. Neither were the 2 months following Elle's birth. No one told me about all the cake. Perhaps, in the future, when talking with other mums to be- I'll just let them know to take it easy on the cake afterwards. Sleep deprivation fueled by cake = complete disaster. I am now going to go on and on about my weight. I am currently obsessed by it. Just like any other woman, I've had my body issues but I haven't been 'fat' since 2003. In fact, in a complete twist of irony, it wasn't until I lost my pre-baby body that I realized I had been a sex-pot super model. What had I been complaining about before?! However, I did have a brief 'very fat' period from 2000-2003 when I gave up swimming and took up champagne. But then I got my tonsils out (best diet ever!) and started training for a marathon and that was the end of that. Then things moved up and down periodically by 10lbs until I got that ring on my finger and the threat of the 'photos for a lifetime' haunted my every thought. I ran like my life depended on it, did sit-ups, push-ups, dredged up exercises from my swimming days and lived off of vegetables. There is no motivator like walking down the aisle. When I got pregnant, I was focused on not gaining too much weight. I was terrified of becoming a lard-o. At the end of my first trimester I was sitting pretty as I had actually lost even more weight! During my second trimester- I was feeling and looking great. I ran, I swam, I did yoga- but I also ate for England. No big deal, right? I was still ok on the scales and what the baby wanted, the baby got. Even if it was a Snickers or two. Then the third trimester hit me. I couldn't very well run with my huge bump. So I waddled and did gentle yoga and took full advantage of people telling me to take it easy and have another cookie... hot chocolate... mince pie... and, well you get the point. Yikes. I probably should have seen the light when I stopped weighing myself. But I was happily floating along in my mum-to-be bliss under the impression that it was mostly water weight and I'd be back into my old clothes by 6 weeks post-partum tops. Well, here I am, 7 months later and I have only just started to be able to zip up my 'fat' jeans and fit into my once loose tops. I have no idea how much I actually gained by the end of my pregnancy. But I was 40lbs over my 'pre-baby' weight at 6 weeks PP. NOT my wedding weight, let me add. But my pre-baby & pre-wedding weight- circa 2010. I'm not sure my wedding weight will ever be achieved again! That might take a miracle of God. But I can tell you that since week 6- I have been nothing short of a woman possessed to lose the weight. "9 months on, 9 months off" I hear. Others have said a year. Ha- I'll do it in three months, I thought. I am hardly one to sit idle and just wait for the pounds to 'melt off'. Which, at 6 weeks, I was still convinced would happen to me. Besides, I was breastfeeding! The miracle post baby diet! Bullshit. So, I joined the gym. I went out running everyday. I walked everywhere. The pounds stayed where they were. I started a food diary, read the book "The Blood Sugar Solution", joined 'Fitness Pal' and began to, for the first time in my life, actually diet. Then I lost my first 5lbs. Then I lost 10! Then the real problems began....