When you get married in Zambia
When you get married in Zambia the following things happen to you:
1. You are taught how to be good in bed by a large woman who lays on top of you while you girate below her.
2. You must sleep with pins under your lower back to learn how to arch your back correctly.
3. You must learn the traditional engagement dance which you will perform in front of your to-be in-laws to demonstrate your fertility
4. Each partner is given a "middle man" who is an advocate for the other family and acts like a marriage counselor. (Example: you come home late from the pub. Your wife is really angry at you. You don't know what to do. So you call up your middle man- who is probably your wife's cousin or brother and he tells you to go buy some flowers and make her breakfast in bed. Problem sovled and make-up sex ensues)
5. On your marriage night, you must shave each other's private areas and collect all the hair together in a bowl to show unity which is then presented to the families.
The divorce rate in Zambia is exremely low. I can imagine that the thought of having a large zambian woman lay on you with pins under your back while learning a sexy dance to do in front of your inlaws is enough to keep you thinking that the snoring just really isn't that bad. And then there's the pubic hair thing....
1. You are taught how to be good in bed by a large woman who lays on top of you while you girate below her.
2. You must sleep with pins under your lower back to learn how to arch your back correctly.
3. You must learn the traditional engagement dance which you will perform in front of your to-be in-laws to demonstrate your fertility
4. Each partner is given a "middle man" who is an advocate for the other family and acts like a marriage counselor. (Example: you come home late from the pub. Your wife is really angry at you. You don't know what to do. So you call up your middle man- who is probably your wife's cousin or brother and he tells you to go buy some flowers and make her breakfast in bed. Problem sovled and make-up sex ensues)
5. On your marriage night, you must shave each other's private areas and collect all the hair together in a bowl to show unity which is then presented to the families.
The divorce rate in Zambia is exremely low. I can imagine that the thought of having a large zambian woman lay on you with pins under your back while learning a sexy dance to do in front of your inlaws is enough to keep you thinking that the snoring just really isn't that bad. And then there's the pubic hair thing....
posted by Jen at 2:11 AM
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